Published on September 3rd, 2002 | by Erich Becker0
I feel dumb for two reasons, reason number one is I actually went to see this movie, and reason number two is I didn’t walk out. FearDotCom has to be one of the stupidest movies I have ever seen. The movie isn’t even good enough to be featured on the lovable Mystery Science Theatre 3000, it is just that horrible. While it still isn’t as horrible as the god-awful Rollerball, it comes really damn close.
The biggest hurdle you must tower over when watching FearDotCom is the fact that the movie makes absolutely no sense, and the plot had so many holes a forty guy gang-bang couldn’t fill them all up, it just makes you think so much it is stupid.
Today’s word of the day is: stupid.
The movie’s plot is this. Mike Riley has been chasing a killer known only by the name, “The Doctor” (how original). Apparently The Doctor likes to kill people and record it from multiple angles and play it on the web for all to enjoy, and us silly humans seem to get our kicks from seeing someone killed live and online, so thousands of people watch each and every one of these deaths. There is this “other” site that is “inhabited” by one of The Doctor’s first victims and she wants revenge so whenever anyone logs on she seductively asks if they want to play, flashes their eyes, and they go insane and die within 48 hours. Clever.
The real problem is if this girl wants these people to help her enact her revenge on The Doctor why in the hell would she give them 48 hours only? Most people wouldn’t get off their lazy butts to do anything until it has been like 45 hours or so, it feels like she is defeating the purpose and it is just one of the many times the plot is about as thin as Kate Moss on a diet.
Riley (Stephen Dorff) teams up with a health official, Terry Houston (Natascha McElhone), after several teenagers and adults are killed by an unknown antigen, they think it is a virus, we know it is the “crazy” internet woman. After investigating one murder and ruling out a virus she sticks around when there is really nothing for her to do. Then the story jumps all over the place and even goes so far as to talk to characters that have no relevance in the story at all, it is amazing that someone can write a script this bad, unless you’ve seen A Walk to Remember.
Acting is subpar, and dialog must have been written by a fourth grader with a mental handicap. Stephen Dorff was a bad-ass in Blade, but now he is reduced to crap status with some really bad roles he has picked as of late, like Deuces Wild and this steaming pile. Natascha McElhone does a respectable job, but nothing can save this movie, even if she is really hot.
While FearDotCom does have some cool imagery here and there, and some very disturbing stuff you can’t help but feel “The Doctor” is a freaking wacko and when the movie’s message comes across as “technology is evil, use it and you will be f’ed” this isn’t a movie I am running into the theatre to see.
Surprisingly since I wasn’t looking forward to this film, I am now looking forward to DreamWorks’ The Ring which opens this fall, lets just hope it doesn’t leave a bitter taste in your mouth, or try to jam something else into it.