Everyone knows the way things work with Star Trek movies. With the notable exception of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, all odd ones are mediocre, while the evens really shine. Even after the original crew moved on and made way for “The Next Generation” on the big screen, things have always been kept a constant. Regardless of how I, or any other critic rate this movie, the fans will still see it, and it will be the fans who tell the studio just how good or bad this movie is. A franchise’s fans are it’s biggest critics, and in the case of Star Trek, the critics reign supreme.

Many film critics with preview screenings, something the studios haven’t decided to let our fine website in on, had called the movie “awful,” “tedious,” and “stupid.” Furthermore, they said that Nemesis broke the “even/odd” streak that had been in place since the late 1970s. Well in my own opinion, and you can take what you want from that, Star Trek: Nemesis wasn’t the greatest Trek movie to ever be released, but it is far from the worst, and I found it entirely enjoyable from start to finish..

Star Trek: Nemesis is billed as the final journey of the Next Generation crew which essentially are broken up at the end of the movie, all for different reasons. Captain Riker (Jonathon Frakes) has been promoted (finally) and given command of the USS Titan, and Counselor Troi (Marina Sirtis), his new wife, will accompany him, other members of the crew are not present, but for means of keeping this review free from major spoilers I won’t get into that part.

The storyline centers around the Romulan empire, whom share a solar system with the Remans, a goblin-like race that are forced to work in the Dylithium Mines of Remus under a coat of darkness as one side of the planet always faces the sun. When the Federation is given a call by the new Romulan Praetor asking for a long-sought peace treaty, Starfleet is quick to act and send it its most experienced crew, and their captain. Once at Romulus, the Enterprise and crew are given a look at a new massive battleship, the Scimitar, created by Shinzon (Tom Hardy). It is soon discovered that that Shinzon wants nothing of peace, and has created a weapon that can destroy life on a planet in a matter of minutes, so it is up to the Picard and company to foil this new “nemesis'” plan.

The movie takes on two different storylines, but they aren’t as they seem in the trailers. The first is the main one involving Shinzon who is actually the bi-product of a past Romulan exercise to get an agent into the Federation. Shinzon is a clone of Captain Picard (Patrick Stewart), but in order for him to take over Picard’s position in Starfleet, his aging would have to be vastly accelerated, therefore he suffers from a debilitating ailment that calls for him to transfuse his DNA with that of the real Picard’s.

The second storyline, is more of a minor subplot till you get to the end of the film. The crew discovers an android on a remote planet that has been disassembled and scattered. This gives Picard, Data, and Worf a chance to try out Starfleet’s latest toy in the form of a dune-buggy mounted with particle weapons, the chances of finding one at your local dealer are slim to none at this point, but who knows what time will tell. The android, dubbed B4 (as a play on words), is a primitive prototype of Data (Brent Spiner). Since Data has evolved through the course of his 15 years on the Enterprise he is more advanced in cognitive functions than B4, but tries to make the new android learn about his world by transferring his memories.

The movies storyline itself is very well done, and series-rookie John Logan (Gladiator) has done a number on fleshing out the story and having the characters play well off of each other. The excellent rapport between the senior staff is very likable, and makes the movie enjoyable by adding a bit of humor to it all. The movie’s beginning starts off slow and it muddles through the first hour until the Enterprise crew finally realizes what Shinzon’s plan is, then the movie kicks into high gear with one of the coolest space battle sequences you will ever seen on film. The battle involves the new Reman battle cruiser and the Enterprise which is dwarfed in size compared to the massive-cloaking vessel. The battle progresses and ends with the trailer-included starship collision that cripples both vessels. While this battle sequence is full of writing flaws, many of which we have found, it is still one of the most enjoyable parts of the film.

The problem that I found with the movie was it felt cut-up. It was made publicly available that director Stuart Baird was forced to cut nearly a hour from the film to make it fit Paramount’s two hour run time, and while the movie never feels like a clip-show it still feels like there was a lot missing, most notably Shinzon’s back-story. Another notable problem was the fact that many characters are reduced to no more than a few lines. Doctor Crusher (Gates McFadden), Lt. Commander La Forge (LeVar Burton), and Worf (Michael Dorn) are reduced to bit characters and only used sparingly throughout the entire movie.

I felt that some critics were too harsh on the film, it proved to be an enjoyable experience that got me in the Star Trek mood. I felt it was especially appropriate to include characters from other series (Admiral Janeway gets the ball rolling), but with the series trying to break the Star Trek mold it created a great amount of technical flaws and plot inconsistencies. While the villain will never be the nemesis that Khan was to Kirk, the movie pays for itself with one of the coolest space battles you will ever see. So after seeing the latest “even” movie to turn out well, what does Star Trek XI have in store for us? Only time will tell, and hopefully, it isn’t a great amount of time.

Move over The Matrix? Not quite, but really darn close if you ask me, and I’m one of the biggest Matrix fans you will ever find.

What movie could be so good that I would put it up in a league right next to the holy grail of science-fiction movies packed with a great story, above-average acting, amazing fight sequences, and a dim outlook on the future that propels your mind into thought? That movie is Equilibrium, and this movie takes the cake as the biggest surprise of 2002 and my pick for sleeper hit of the year.

Only opening in the top 20 markets this weekend, Equilibrium is the story of Cleric John Preston (Christian Bale) who is a high level officer in a new world order task force in the futuristic society of Liberia where emotion has been outlawed and the human race is forced to take a drug called Prozium. The cleric are the elite and trained in a new martial art that analyzes the pattern of bullets when shot at a person and trains its personnel to move in such a way that they are never hit. This “Gun-kata” leads to a new, amazing, type of fighter after the first action sequence that has Preston kicks down a door and slides on it into a room with no lights. After a few seconds of wondering where he is the gun fight begins, if you can really call it a fight. This is also the time when the movie’s style comes into play as through the ensuing sequence only muzzle flashes expose the criminals as they are being pumped full of holes by Preston who, through a very tightly choreographed sequence, movies his hands and guns with such eloquence.

In the world without emotion these clerics and sweeper teams are given the task of locating “sense offenders” and contraband that consists of anything containing color, life, or culture, it has all been banned and the punishment for housing such materials is death.

When Preston misses a dosage of his medication he begins to feel, and see the world for what it is. Earlier he had arrested a sense offender, played by Emily Watson, whom he has become infatuated with. His spouse was executed three years prior for sense offense, a punishment that Preston stood on and watched with cold, dark eyes.

Preston will eventually regain all feeling and begins to second guess what he does, but after his new partner, Brandt (Taye Diggs), who seems to want to make a heavy career move, becomes suspicious of his actions the twisting of the story begins up until the final battle between Preston and his boss where guns become part of martial arts and a new, fresh way of looking at a fight scene is developed and loved by the audience.

The strength of this movie is in the portrayal of Cleric John Preston by Christian Bale (American Psycho, Reign of Fire) who does a marvelous job in the roll. His cold, daunting stare is perfect for a role such as this one which combines elements from Minority Report‘s John Anderton and The Matrix‘s Neo.

The special effects for this low budget sci-fi fest are very well done and bring back images of The Fifth Element when seeing a sprawled-out city who’s towering skyscraper paint the picture of a horizon with massive buildings composed of little or no life. The absence of color is just another tool that adds to an already excellent style. It is somewhat sad to see movies like Die Another Day with huge budgets that can’t seem to get CG down, but a niche movie such as this one can pull off vast cityscapes and realistic zeppelins.

It seems unfair to compare this movie to The Matrix, even when it does possess an obvious homage to the movie in the final action sequence. The fighting style and amazingly fresh style keep this movie from drifting too far into the “tried and done” category. While many may never get the chance to see it on the big screen because of its limited release and particular niche, if you get the opportunity, seize it, because you won’t see a fresher surprise this year.

I have always been a James Bond fan, just ask anyone on the staff, or anyone of my friends. I can ramble off trivia, tell you in what movie a particular event happened, and create a bulleted list on why Timothy Dalton wasn’t that bad of a Bond actor, he just got in at the wrong time.

For the record I like Pierce Brosnan’s Bond better than any other. Roger Moore had some great movies under his reign, Sean Connery had the classics, and that other guy, um, yeah he did something. When “Bond 20” was announced I was ecstatic, the premise sounded new and intriguing, the overall feel of the movie seemed like it would recover from The World is Not Enough (TWINE), which I liked, but the world panned. It seems as though the creators and producers of the series knew that TWINE wasn’t up to part so they threw out everything they had for Die Another Day and created a balls out action-fest that is full of clever one-liners, great explosions, and some of the crappiest computer effects I have ever seen.

Overall I was impressed with Die Another Day, but there were some very, very big problems with the movie that leave it off of my classics list. Be aware, this is no GoldenEye, but it certainly isn’t A View to a Kill either.

The film starts out with Bond undercover and looking to purchase some guns in exchange for a briefcase full of diamonds. Colonel Moon is the bad guy this time around and his sidekick, Zao, is the coolest thing to come along since Jaws (not the shark). When the Bond is found out, this leads to one of the best chase sequences we have ever seen in a Bond movie, and it will only be outdone by the car chase later in the movie. As Bond is chasing Moon on hovercrafts over a minefield they reach the end of the line that has Moon’s craft jumping over a cliff and Bond being captured by Moon’s father. This is where things turn bad for the first time.

The opening credit sequence has to be the worst I have ever seen. Even back in the 60s and 70s when computer graphics were non-existent it was better than this because it breaks the mold for one simple reason. It shows the movie in the background, and the graphical images, while cool in their own right, are just overlaid on the print. So while the names are appearing on screen, we see Bond being tortured and beaten the background. This is the cardinal rule of the “Bond Credit Sequence” you don’t show any part of the movie at all. From this point on I was disenchanted with seeing just how bad this movie was going to destroy the mold that has been melded over 40 years and four and a half Bonds (Lazenby doesn’t count as a full actor).

From there on the movie is a mix between classic Bond, and money-making ploys. While Bond movies were never really prided on story and plot, this one takes the cake for the most paper thin plot points imaginable. When Bond first meets Jinx (Halle Berry) they exchange one-liners about birds for three minutes and in the next scene they are bumping along in bed. If it were only that easy.

Erich: “I like birds, they are pretty”
Girl: “Wanna do it?”

Frankly I don’t see why Halle Berry won any award for Best Actress, but I can’t be too quick to judge because I haven’t seen Monster’s Ball. Her performance is nothing spectacular than any other Bond girl performance. She doesn’t have the life that Famke Janssen gave Onatopp in GoldenEye. The real life of a supporting character is inhabited by Zao (Rick Yune), you may remember him from The Fast and the Furious. Yune portrays Zao wonderfully through the entire movie as a North Korean terrorist bent on causing disaster. The chase scene between Bond and him on the ice near the end of the movie is wonderfully done, but I wish they would have given his character a better way out, maybe an open door to return later in the series, but that won’t be happening.

I did state before that Colonel Moon is the bad guy this time around, and going into the movie the first time and not seeing him till a revealing point at the end, you may call me crazy. But just think of a cliché way to bring in a character and that is exactly how it is done here, it didn’t think it was much of a spoiler, so no warnings for you!

The real problem with the movie is director Lee Tamahori’s overuse of computer effects. From the very first chase scene on the hover cars you can noticeably tell that the actors are standing in front of a blue screen, and later in the movie when Bond goes over an ice berg in a rocket car it acts like a popsicle stick on a rubber band, and, unfortunately, it looks like one too. If you thought the computer generated Peter Parker/Spider-Man in Spider-Man were poorly done, this is worse, half the time you can’t tell if the blob of Play-Dough is actually Bond or just, well, a blob of Play-Dough. If GoldenEye taught us anything it was that models and cheesy computer effects came make the movie more interesting, but an overuse of them, as seen in Die Another Day, can just make it look like we really don’t need actors anymore.

I’m as much of a Bond fan as you can get, so when a new Bond flick hits the theatres I am there faster than a fat-chick on ham, but with some of the glaring problems that stray too far away from the tried and true Bond, Die Another Day doesn’t fit the bill as a classic Bond movie, yet. After multiple viewings I could change my mind, and a DVD with some deleted footage to fill in some of the glaring plot holes could make things better. Die Another Day is a good Bond movie, it just isn’t a great Bond Movie.

They always say “Great Movies come along in a great long while,” and while I do believe this to be true, we have been treated to some truly great movies this year, but for some reason, 8 Mile stands out as one of the greatest I have witnessed this year, and I hope that the Academy doesn’t ignore this film simply because it has a prominent music industry artists as the lead character.

8 Mile is a great film, as I stated above, although I must admit, I think I had too high of expectations for this one and set myself up to be disappointed. Looking at the production team (director Curtis Hanson and producer Brian Grazer) you would expect great things from them individually, but you would expect the second coming of Christ if they ever worked together on a movie such as this one. I think I saw Jesus at the 7-Eleven last night…

For the credit of Eminem critics and fans, he does a superb job portraying a fictional version of himself in the poverty stricken part of Detroit. The title comes from a real road in the city that divides the poor intercity with the middle-class suburbs of Motown. Brittany Murphy possibly gives the weakest performance of the headliners because of the audiences feeling that she has really no need to be there. She serves as more of a plot tangent than any part of the storyline, which runs into some problems down the road, but still manages to come out okay.

The movie focuses on the life of Jimmy Smith, Jr. (aka B. Rabbit) a twentysomething who has just been kicked out of his apartment by his could-be-pregnant girlfriend and is forced to move back into his childhood trailer park home with his mother, her new boyfriend, and his sister whom he dearly cares for. The stories two main conflicts are that of Jimmy’s ongoing friction with his mother and the main story, Jimmy’s ability to freestyle rap in “battles” that could make him a famous name on the streets.

Those expecting to walk in and see a Rags to Riches story are going to be disappointed because the film only focuses on about a week’s worth of storyline from Jimmy’s life, which is where the plot runs into a couple of problems. Several story tangents are never resolved. Jimmy’s girlfriend (whom we meet twice in the movie) is last seen just sitting in her apartment crying, we never seen any resolution to this part of the plot, which could leave you with a somewhat empty feeling when looking for a nice little story, wrapped up in the final scene. Several critics have called the plot nothing more than a take off of any other coming of age movies such as Rudy, but 8 Mile is different in the way that it is violently real with the setting, plot, characters, and overall aurora that presents itself.

The best thing about this movie is time is not an issue. While watching you lose all sense of time, before you know it the film is over and you are wanting more than Jimmy walking into the distance, you want to see how everything turns out for him, and you want to see what happens to the characters. This is the ultimate criteria for a good movie, a film that brings you into its world and doesn’t let you go till the credits roll and you are singing along to the song in the background.

While its hard to say if Eminem is really a great actor, he may have just fit into the role so well because of his background, but no matter what anyone says, 8 Mile was a very, very enjoyable film and a definite must see no matter what your personal opinion of Slim Shady is.

The bottle of common sense that I have talked about in so many of my reviews over the years must be completely out, or at least the folks over at Sony must have lost the bottle in the washing machine, because I Spy, while a kind-of-cool spy movie, is just so utterly dumb that it pains me to watch.

I Spy, a remake based loosely on the 1960s series of the same name, stars Eddie Murphy who is going for a record of how many flops he can have in one year, right now he is tied with Antonia Banderas for that honor, and Owen Wilson, who has been teamed up with just about everyone in the entertainment industry for buddy picture after buddy picture, fails to capitalize on his Shanghi Noon success.

The films premise is as follows. Wilson is Alex Scott and elite (loosely using the term here) secret agent who is given the task of finding a stolen top secret jet called the Switchblade that is currently in the possession of an arms dealer played by Malcolm McDowell. In order to get close enough to plant a tracking unit on McDowell’s character Scott and the Bureau of Nation Security (BNS) have him team up with Kelly Robinson a famous boxer, whom the arms dealer loves. The real problem is after the tracking bug is planted, why the hell does Eddie Murphy’s character stick around. His job is done, yet he just stays around for the hell of it, and the terror of the audience.

Overall the story is weak at best, and more cliché than any sappy love story you will seen on the big screen this year. From plot points that you can see from a mile away to the most lame-brained story ever, the movie just doesn’t do much for you, which is good in a way, because the people who were in the theatre with me could have used some help figuring things out rather than think about it on the drive home to their trailer park.

The biggest flaw of the movie is it isn’t overly funny, in fact, aside from a few parts where you get a good chuckle or a big hearty laugh, there isn’t a single time when you are cracking up continuously. Even with the James Bond spoofing and the campy action that makes no sense, the movie just isn’t that humorous at all. Maybe I have seen too many comedies this year, but most of the material is just stale when compared to some of the other stuff to be released this year.

Sticking around for the climax of the movie is like drilling a rusty drill-bit into your knee. This comes from the fact that the ending is just so utterly stupid, so utterly dumb, and so utterly infeasible that you just want to cripple yourself so you wouldn’t have to watch it. With the paper thin story and plot holes large enough to drive a Volkswagen through I-Spy just fails to impress when so many better comedies have come out this year. Stick with Undercover Brother or Austin Powers: in Goldmember for the laughs you are looking for.

I don’t think I have ever had to write a harder review, and it isn’t because I saw a movie I knew was going to be great and it wasn’t, or because I saw a movie made by a good friend and didn’t want to give my honest opinion, it was because I saw a movie so out of the mold of movies that I don’t know where to begin as far as a review, or scoring the damn thing.

Jackass is just that kind of movie, where to begin? If you are going to this movie looking for plot, suspense, action, drama, or comedy, you aren’t going to get all of that. The comedy is there depending on your area of low brow humor and fun and some suspense is there waiting to see who is going to get reamed next and by what, but this isn’t your traditional movie, it is something better.

Jackass started as a two season series at MTV where it was versed to criticism and outcry from parents who made the TV their child’s babysitter and then got their panties in a bunch when it did something they didn’t like. Even after several children (obviously the dumb ones with negligent parents) tried to recreate some of the stunts on the show, the warnings went in place and Johnny Knoxville and company kept on entertaining America.

So the movie is basically an episode of the show times three in the length department and times 10 in the gross, weird, and fun actions they perform. Stunts range from the hilarious like Rent-A-Car Derby and Air Horn Golf  where in the latter the gang hides on a golf course in camouflage gear and blows air horns when prissy country-club folks are about to take a swing. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

You also get into the gross where one cast member messes himself in his pants in preparation of going into a hardware store and using one of the display toilets, for real, which also proves to be one of the grossest things you have ever seen on the big screen. Nothing has to be grosser, and more vomit inducing, then the “pee-snow-cone” in which a cast member proceeds to eat the yellow snow our parents warned us about. This was the only point during the movie when I wanted to gag, because just watching it was so gross.

The movie itself isn’t trying to be a movie, but a series of skits and stunts that rely on the fan base of the show to bring in the audience. While the movie is full of warnings, cops at the entrance to the theatre to confirm your age, still parents brought in kids that must have been as young as five years old. Politicians scorn video games and movies like this for corrupting America’s youth, well your argument is about to eat crow when you realize that parents are bringing children into these movies you stuck up pricks!

Jackass is not about acting, plot, or story, it is about going to have fun, and I really think the movie gives you just what it promises, stuff you would never see on TV and a way to escape the terrors of real life to just have some fun. It succeeded on all accounts in my opinion, and when you read other reviews from “big” publications that claim it to be the “worst movie of the year” remember that the reviewers there don’t have the perspective to see this movie for what it really is, and while they try to make it stand up to cinematic standards, this movie can’t be handled that way, in my opinion this was a great movie, and there is no arguing that.

I called Ballistic one of the worst movies I have ever seen, I went so far as telling the readers of this website that I would rather have my man-organs sanded off with an electric sander that have to sit through that piece of trash again. I stand by my remarks…

Which have nothing to do with Fox’s The Transporter as it has to be one of the coolest movies of the year, but no where near the best. Why was this movie so cool? Because it isn’t one of those action movies that tries to explain why everything happens, in fact, The Transporter does a good job at not explaining why things happen at all. Even the ending leaves so much on the table that it is hard to walk away from the theater knowing that was it. There are so many holes in the plot, but it isn’t the gang-bang that was FearDotCom, this movie just raises questions, but eases them as it blows your mind with some of the coolest action scenes this side of The Matrix.

The Transporter is a man who does, just what his job says, transport objects (and sometimes people) for money. He is very meticulous about all the details of the job as to make sure everything goes the way it had planned. Things take a turn for the unexpected when he pulls a job for a shady business man who is holding a Chinese warlord’s daughter for him. It is never explained why she was being transported in a bag, or how she even fit into the bag, but like I said before, the writing team (if there was one) and the director (obviously obsessed with people getting kicking in the groin) throw so much action at you that you totally forget about the unanswered questions and problems that just arose from the latest “plot point.”

Anyways, it seems as those this bad Chinese man is freighting over some of his own people in cargo containers to work as slave labor in France (were the extras surrendered to the film crew until they realized the cameras couldn’t hurt them). Frank, the transporter, becomes entangled with his new found love, yep, you guessed it, the evil Chinese man’s daughter, so he aides in tracking down the container that the immigrants are being kept in and alert the authorities, but, of course, the bad man and his business friend don’t want any of this so they send and endless army of bad guys whose only purpose to either get a) kicked in the head, b) groin (see above), c) chest, or d) just get kicked all over the place.

The movies coolest scene is the fight scene near the end that happens in a giant pool of grease. With everyone slipping and sliding on the floor you have nearly ten guys that are covered in this stuff sliding off of each other like…uh…well like ten guys covered in grease, uh, yeah, that’ll work.

Acting for the most part is what you would expect from a mindless action movie. Jason Statham is his usual bad-ass self that we have grown to know and love. If you thought he was cool in Snatch, he is twice as cool in Transporter when he is drop kicking bad guys left and right and tying them up in his sweater (just wait you’ll see).

The movie has all the qualities of a cult classic, and in my mind the movie is one of the most stylistic and coolest movies I have seen this year. The Hong-Kong type fighting mixed with a nice Hollywood budget and a very sweet car chase scene in the beginning give The Transporter some nice status symbols.

Don’t go looking for a feel good movie of the year, or one that will get the brain working more than it has to, this movie is all about chases, fighting, and some of the coolest action scenes in this post-Matrix world. See it.

Before I die I will see the ring, after all, you would want the last thing you see be the symbol that represents the circle of life, cue Phil Collins.

The Ring is a remake of one of the most successful movies ever released in Japan, at least one of the highest grossing. When I was tortured with Warner Bros. awful knock-off, FearDotCom, earlier this year, I could only hope that the true remake of the Japanese classic would do, what I had heard about the film, justice. The Ring not only does the original justice, but, by all accounts, adds up to one of the whacked out, scariest movies of the season with one of the most original storylines to come around in years.

I do seriously believe the writer of this movie must have had something bad in his Wheaties the morning he came up with the corrupt ideas that make this movie. For those of you who haven’t seen the preview, here’s a rundown. There is a video tape that, seven days after watching it, you die, of course, after you see the ring. While it would be easy for me to tell you just why you die, I can’t for two reasons. Number one, I just got back from the theatre and starting writing this review immediately, before I have completely digested what I just saw. Reason number two is the simple fact that I don’t want to ruin the movie for you, this is one of those movies that leaves you guessing till the very end, then turns around and makes you think it is over, yet it is just beginning.

I will give the cinematographer props for this piece of art, there is such an overuse of the “dirty-static” on the market today that seems to prevail itself on the web and on TV, it was nice to see it done with some craftsmanship. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, when was the last time you saw someone try to use static as an art, or use scan lines (those little lines you can’t see on your standard TV) to try and be “cool.” Film students and wannabe directors use these touches all the time to try and give their film and “edge,” but in all actuality the overuse of this effect was about to drive the movie-going public off of an edge.

Speaking of edges, The Ring manages to keep you on that part of your seat for a better part of the movie. After the main character, Rachel (the luscious Naomi Watts), views the aforementioned tape she has to set out on a quest to find out just what all of the symbols mean and find a way to reverse the curse that has been put upon her by whatever created the tape.

There are some genuine scares during the movie that even got me to jump, this coming from a man who can sit through just about anything with popcorn in hand and keep it that way. There is one part on a ferry with a horse (that fits into the main theme in a way you wouldn’t think) but the horse freaks out and what happens next is interesting to say the least.

It is fairly obvious that some editing had to be done to keep this one a bit tamer than it could have been. Some of the more disturbing shots are only flashed on the screen from time to time. Whether this is by the choice of the director or by the MPAA to keep the PG-13 rating it might never be known.

All I know is I have seen one of the better movies to come out this year, and with it kicks off the glorious Fall movie season that includes some of our anticipated sequels like Die Another Day, Star Trek: Nemesis, and the grand daddy of them all, The Two Towers.

I can die happy knowing that I have seen The Ring, and lived to tell you about it, for now at least.