I called Ballistic one of the worst movies I have ever seen, I went so far as telling the readers of this website that I would rather have my man-organs sanded off with an electric sander that have to sit through that piece of trash again. I stand by my remarks…

Which have nothing to do with Fox’s The Transporter as it has to be one of the coolest movies of the year, but no where near the best. Why was this movie so cool? Because it isn’t one of those action movies that tries to explain why everything happens, in fact, The Transporter does a good job at not explaining why things happen at all. Even the ending leaves so much on the table that it is hard to walk away from the theater knowing that was it. There are so many holes in the plot, but it isn’t the gang-bang that was FearDotCom, this movie just raises questions, but eases them as it blows your mind with some of the coolest action scenes this side of The Matrix.

The Transporter is a man who does, just what his job says, transport objects (and sometimes people) for money. He is very meticulous about all the details of the job as to make sure everything goes the way it had planned. Things take a turn for the unexpected when he pulls a job for a shady business man who is holding a Chinese warlord’s daughter for him. It is never explained why she was being transported in a bag, or how she even fit into the bag, but like I said before, the writing team (if there was one) and the director (obviously obsessed with people getting kicking in the groin) throw so much action at you that you totally forget about the unanswered questions and problems that just arose from the latest “plot point.”

Anyways, it seems as those this bad Chinese man is freighting over some of his own people in cargo containers to work as slave labor in France (were the extras surrendered to the film crew until they realized the cameras couldn’t hurt them). Frank, the transporter, becomes entangled with his new found love, yep, you guessed it, the evil Chinese man’s daughter, so he aides in tracking down the container that the immigrants are being kept in and alert the authorities, but, of course, the bad man and his business friend don’t want any of this so they send and endless army of bad guys whose only purpose to either get a) kicked in the head, b) groin (see above), c) chest, or d) just get kicked all over the place.

The movies coolest scene is the fight scene near the end that happens in a giant pool of grease. With everyone slipping and sliding on the floor you have nearly ten guys that are covered in this stuff sliding off of each other like…uh…well like ten guys covered in grease, uh, yeah, that’ll work.

Acting for the most part is what you would expect from a mindless action movie. Jason Statham is his usual bad-ass self that we have grown to know and love. If you thought he was cool in Snatch, he is twice as cool in Transporter when he is drop kicking bad guys left and right and tying them up in his sweater (just wait you’ll see).

The movie has all the qualities of a cult classic, and in my mind the movie is one of the most stylistic and coolest movies I have seen this year. The Hong-Kong type fighting mixed with a nice Hollywood budget and a very sweet car chase scene in the beginning give The Transporter some nice status symbols.

Don’t go looking for a feel good movie of the year, or one that will get the brain working more than it has to, this movie is all about chases, fighting, and some of the coolest action scenes in this post-Matrix world. See it.

Before I die I will see the ring, after all, you would want the last thing you see be the symbol that represents the circle of life, cue Phil Collins.

The Ring is a remake of one of the most successful movies ever released in Japan, at least one of the highest grossing. When I was tortured with Warner Bros. awful knock-off, FearDotCom, earlier this year, I could only hope that the true remake of the Japanese classic would do, what I had heard about the film, justice. The Ring not only does the original justice, but, by all accounts, adds up to one of the whacked out, scariest movies of the season with one of the most original storylines to come around in years.

I do seriously believe the writer of this movie must have had something bad in his Wheaties the morning he came up with the corrupt ideas that make this movie. For those of you who haven’t seen the preview, here’s a rundown. There is a video tape that, seven days after watching it, you die, of course, after you see the ring. While it would be easy for me to tell you just why you die, I can’t for two reasons. Number one, I just got back from the theatre and starting writing this review immediately, before I have completely digested what I just saw. Reason number two is the simple fact that I don’t want to ruin the movie for you, this is one of those movies that leaves you guessing till the very end, then turns around and makes you think it is over, yet it is just beginning.

I will give the cinematographer props for this piece of art, there is such an overuse of the “dirty-static” on the market today that seems to prevail itself on the web and on TV, it was nice to see it done with some craftsmanship. If you don’t know what I’m referring to, when was the last time you saw someone try to use static as an art, or use scan lines (those little lines you can’t see on your standard TV) to try and be “cool.” Film students and wannabe directors use these touches all the time to try and give their film and “edge,” but in all actuality the overuse of this effect was about to drive the movie-going public off of an edge.

Speaking of edges, The Ring manages to keep you on that part of your seat for a better part of the movie. After the main character, Rachel (the luscious Naomi Watts), views the aforementioned tape she has to set out on a quest to find out just what all of the symbols mean and find a way to reverse the curse that has been put upon her by whatever created the tape.

There are some genuine scares during the movie that even got me to jump, this coming from a man who can sit through just about anything with popcorn in hand and keep it that way. There is one part on a ferry with a horse (that fits into the main theme in a way you wouldn’t think) but the horse freaks out and what happens next is interesting to say the least.

It is fairly obvious that some editing had to be done to keep this one a bit tamer than it could have been. Some of the more disturbing shots are only flashed on the screen from time to time. Whether this is by the choice of the director or by the MPAA to keep the PG-13 rating it might never be known.

All I know is I have seen one of the better movies to come out this year, and with it kicks off the glorious Fall movie season that includes some of our anticipated sequels like Die Another Day, Star Trek: Nemesis, and the grand daddy of them all, The Two Towers.

I can die happy knowing that I have seen The Ring, and lived to tell you about it, for now at least.