From what we have seen of the Farrelly Brothers, they don’t do PG-13 movies very well mainly because of the type of movies they are known for. In fact, after the hilarious There’s Something About Mary they sort of tapered off into the lackluster Jim Carrey vehicle Me, Myself, and Irene, the sometimes funny Shallow Hal, and the sometimes disgusting Say It Isn’t So, as producers. After passing on Dumb and Dumberer they resurface with a new, albeit PG-13, comedy starring two brothers who are inseparable, literally.

Bob (Matt Damon) and Walt (Greg Kinnear) are brothers who have survived through a quarter of their lives attached just above the hip. Through the years they have learned to work with each other and have everything from sleeping, working, and walking down. But when Walt decides that he would like to leave the small town of Martha’s Vineyard to pursue an acting career in Hollywood the brother leave the quaint, quiet mountain town for the busy streets of LA.

Meanwhile Cher is trying to get out of a TV contact by any means necessary. Since Walt and Bob aren’t the token actor that you look for in Hollywood, except in the porn industry which leads to one of the films better jokes, Cher casts Walt as her leading man in the film in an effort to have the network cancel the contract for the show, and freeing her. The network calls her bluff and casts Walt who becomes a big star with the show. Also, Bob finally meets up with an internet friend he has been talking to for three years, but never told he was a conjoined twin. This leads to some very funny jokes with Bob trying to explain his attachment.

Everyone who has seen a Farrelly brother’s movie knows what they are in for. There’s Something About Mary taught us what could be used as a substitute for hair gel in one of the most oft parodies sequences from a movie in the last 10 years. Me, Myself, and Irene showed us that the mentally disturbed could be funny, so what kinds of bodily fluid jokes could they pull off in the PG-13 rated Stuck on You? Apparently they are trying to climb out of the pit they dug for themselves, so not so many.

Stuck on You, when compared to every other movie the brothers have been associated with seems almost tame in comparison. Sure there is your fair share of visual jokes, and you get a few hints of the director’s pedigree comedy, but this movie has some actual emotion and character development, even though you can sort of see it coming a mile away. Where Shallow Hal failed to develop characters we could actually like, wasting a talent like Jack Black, Stuck on You interjects Bob and Walt with actually emotions. When they are finally separated towards the end of the film (that isn’t a spoiler because you see it coming from the very beginning) you actually feel for the characters. Stuck on You is probably the Farrelly brothers best film, rivaling that of the skit like Mary for a film with actual substance.

The film also provides enough cameos and jokes to make it through the daunting 128 minutes. As with most comedies the jokes taper off towards the end when the directors finally decide that it might be good to make a point in this film. Still, even with the cliché, storybook ending and plot points a blind man could see you will enjoy Stuck on You because the movie has something most of the comedies this year have lacked, a heart.

With all the family fare at the box office this month its nice to see a studio go up against the droves of people heading off to the movies over Thanksgiving and giving them a film so anti-family I smiled with glee knowing I wasn’t going to be in a crowded theater surrounded by screaming kids. Instead I got old women who had to read the credits out loud to each other to make sure they saw them, and a group of people who don’t know the first thing about theater edict. Still, all of that wasn’t going to ruin a good time, and Bad Santa shows us that even Jolly Ol’ St. Nick can have a wild, drunken side.

Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) and Marcus (Tony Cox) have a good thing going. They get a mall to hire them on as Santa and his elf, respectably, scope out the security system, and break into a department store safe. This year’s scam is in Arizona (albeit a fake mall), of all places, but this time stealing Santa will have to deal with an up-tight manager (the late John Ritter), and a nosey security guard (Bernie Mac). Through all of this Willie eventually begins shacking up with a kid (Brett Kelly) and banging a bartender (Lauren Graham) who has a “thing” for Santa Claus.

The story, by no means, is the movie’s strongest suit, but Thornton’s portrayal of an alcoholic, over-sexed old man who hates kids and just wants his money is, by far, the highest point of the film. There is just something about a guy dressed up as Santa vomiting, pissing himself, and having unconventional sex with big & tall women that makes you laugh out loud. Not succumbing to the lowest denominator, the film isn’t a gross out comedy, even though it does contain a great many gags that could be attributed to such a genre film. Rather the delivery of lines makes this film funny as Willie has to cope with living with a kid who idolizes him and keep himself from destroying himself.

There are a few running gags throughout the film such as a clueless grandma who takes great pleasure in making sandwiches and the many trials Willie’s drinking brings on. Some of the best jokes are given away in the trailers (like always) but there is still a great deal in this film to get you laughing.

Many may be offended by how the filmmakers portray the image of Santa Claus, but only at one time does Willie have on the “full” Santa suit to the point where it might hide his persona, throughout the rest of the film he slowly looses interest and the desire to look anything like the jolly, fat one. This film may be the reason Santa and Satan are so close together in spelling.

As mentioned before the story isn’t anywhere near the quality you would expect from the winter’s awards hopefuls, but its nice to see somewhat write down a semi-intelligent, funny script that raises the middle finger to award fishing and comes away on a higher horse than it rode in on. Bad Santa is the very definition of what can happen when a few guys get together and decide to release some pent up anger on the present-bearer, but I couldn’t think of a more funny way to see a guy in a red suit toss empty whiskey bottles at $70,000 sports cars.

It’s not PC, and I couldn’t think of any other way I would want it to be. If you are looking for a funny, dark comedy this holiday season this should hold you over till the epic that is The Return of the King hits theaters in a few short weeks.

The negative press that has been surrounding the latest live-action Looney Tunes movie has been astounding in recent months. Rumor has it that pre-screening audience really didn’t like the film, and after the debauchery that was Space Jam, did anyone really want to see Warner Bros. destroy the prized Tunes franchise anymore? Luckily almost nothing is true on the web with so many fraudulent tipsters and bogus information. Who knows if rumors are actually worth even reporting anymore?

Regardless of the pre-release buzz, or lack thereof, Looney Tunes: Back in Action proves that Warner Bros. can make a very funny film by combining the aspects of animated characters and live actors. Back in Action is a humorous, sharp-tongued satire on the movie industry as a whole which has Warner Bros. poking fun at itself, other studios, and blatant product placement in films.

After Daffy Duck is fired from his job at Warner he runs-amok on the lot until a stuntman-wannabe, security guard, DJ Drake (Brendan Fraser) captures him, only to lose his job, and pick up a new annoyance, in the form of Daffy. When Kate’s (Jenna Elfman), the VP of Comedy, job is threatened by the firing of Daffy she sets out on a quest, with Bugs, of course, to track Daffy down and stumbles into the evil ACME Chairman’s (Steve Martin) plan to sell shoddy merchandise. The story isn’t much to get in to, and certainly won’t win any screenwriting awards, but most notably is Timothy Dalton who plays a parody of himself in the James Bond movies as a spy named Damien Drake who portrays a spy in movies as a cover.

Where Space Jam actually tried to infuse some ridiculous motive to bringing a live action “actor,” and I use that term loosely when referring to Michael Jordan, into the mix, Back in Action has a really loose story that brings in many of your favorite characters for cameos with Bugs and Daffy taking on the key roles.

The most admirable thing about Warner’s handling of this film is they didn’t bring in a bunch of characters just for the sake of brining in characters. The script allows for different characters to appear at different and very appropriate times, and for the sake of sanity, no one is playing basketball. Yosemite Sam owns a casino; the Coyote and Tasmanian Devil are agents for ACME, and Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales are regulated to making fun of the current P.C. situation in America.

But everything else aside, Looney Tunes: Back in Action is a genuinely funny film that I was pleasantly surprised to be wrong on basing my preliminary beliefs on that unfounded press I spoke of above. Even the actors make fun of themselves with Brendan Fraser getting in a few cracks about his role in the Mummy films, and Matthew Lillard getting a few pointers from the real Shaggy and Scooby. In all respects, this is one giant licensing vehicle for the WB and their upcoming pallet of films.

Sure the acting is bad, the story is laughable, but it is a story that will make you laugh. It’s nice to see the cartoons updated for present day and put in some precarious positions that allow for the films writers to go out and make a film worthy of the Looney Tunes name. Forget about Space Jam and welcome Back in Action as the savior of the big-screen Tunes adventures.

If I had a time machine and I could go back to 1999, after the release of the original Matrix, and convince the Wachowski Brothers not to make another film as long as they both lived, I would do it. The Matrix Reloaded suffered from an all flash, no substance existence when it was released back in May of this year. Critics, much like myself, saw past all the glitz and glamour of the film’s awesome special effects and found that the story became so convoluted and uninvolved that we simply were paying for a really expensive music video, or so it seemed.

The Matrix Revolutions continues on the downward trend of the series and thoroughly thrashes on the good name of the groundbreaking, original film. Revolutions is more to the point than Reloaded without such filler material as the infamously lame “Rave” scene, and inexplicably complicated vocabulary of The Architect, but in the end we get force fed so many answers the bring up twice as many questions, why even bother watching it in the first place?

Revolutions picks up directly after the events of Reloaded with Neo (Keanu Reeves) in a coma and displaced from his physical body in the real world, and the matrix. Locke (Harry Lennix) prepares for the impending battle with the machines as they breach the walls into Zion, Niobe (Jada Pickett-Smith) and Morpheus (Lawrence Fishburne) think of a way to get back to Zion and aid in the struggle for freedom. Once Neo awakens, Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) and he set out for the machine city where he makes a proposal to the Deus Ex Machina about a certain rogue program, Agent Smith (the awesome Hugo Weaving), detailing what will happen to both of their worlds if Smith is left unchecked.

Everything in the film sets up the final battle between Smith and Neo in a rain-drenched action sequence that rivals anything seen in the last two films, although will never compare to the amazingly intense “Lobby Scene.” For the most part Revolutions strays away from the needless battles experienced in Reloaded (the scene with 100 Agent Smiths comes to mind), but in their place the Wachowski’s finally try to bring some meaning to everything and create nothing more than a cliché, albeit mildly entertaining, storyline. The highlight of the entire film is the 20+ minute Battle for Zion with Exo-Squad inspired mechs and sentinels battling it out all while the drillers attempt to break through into the heart of the city. At least the special effects look good.

I think Warner Bros. themselves caused the damnation of the franchise by building it up so much. The original Matrix only lit up the box office with $171 million dollars domestically, a pale number when compared to Spider-Man‘s huge bow in the summer of 2002 and other films superior numbers displayed this year, namely Pirates of the Caribbean and Finding Nemo. Sure, everyone who enjoyed the first film wanted a second, but where other series set out to better themselves and create an experience that rivals that of the original (think Aliens) The Matrix resorted to the least common denominator in delivering more and more of what the people wanted, amazing special effects. The problem with this is a lot has changed in the four years since the original Matrix was released, and any number of films have either spoofed or ripped off the patented slow-motion gunplay of the Wachowski’s opening opus. Now The Matrix looks and feels tired, as though there was only enough story to fill one, maybe two, films, and they are really starting to stretch out what they are capable of doing. George Lucas has done this with Star Wars and created millions of disenchanted fans, The Matrix is no different.

Revolutions‘ biggest problem is this is suppose to be the big movie to end all movies as it wraps up one of the pinnacle trilogies ever filmed, yet when all is said and done you feel as though you have been cheated into waiting for a film you already paid for in May, and you still have nothing to show for it. Leaving The Matrix franchise to the imagination after the original film would have been much better than the images I have in my head after sitting through both Reloaded and Revolutions.

To add insult to injury everything wraps up in a neat-little-rainbow-packed package. If there ever was a Hollywood ending this is it and something that I didn’t expect. I was looking to be wowed, or at least thrown off guard with something that I didn’t expect, but instead we get a sunrise and the feeling as though two needless hours were stolen from us and one of the most prolific sci-fi franchises has been reduced to standard movie-fare with no real sense of ever needing to exist.

If there is anything to say, I am grateful that the trilogy is finally done with, and I don’t have to live with my grandiose expectations of what these films should have been. Hopefully if anyone decided to revisit the series in the future they let the appeal of these films gestate for a while before jumping back in, and if they do, be sure to bring a script rather than a whole bunch of CGI.

If it isn’t remakes of 20 year old films then companies are re-releasing 20 year old films with new footage in order to get some of that hard earned cash, but there are certain films, works of art, that a re-release is entirely warranted and this past weekend one of the most original, and scary movies to ever be released.

Alien isn’t so much scare you out of your seat scary as it is psychological scary. Here you have a group of characters enclosed on a massive, dark ship with any number of places for the creature to hide. As with similar movies in the genre characters are picked off one by one by one until a final valiant effort and a final confrontation leave the main character bloody, tired, and wanting some serious R&R. Such is Ridley’s Scott’s Alien, a movie that pioneered the genre in 1979 and entered pop culture with one of the most spoofed scenes in movie history.

Starting things off the Nostromo, a commercial freighter for the ominous “Company” picks up a distress call from a derelict spacecraft on LV426, and uninhabited, inhospitable world. After sending out an away team one member of the crew is attacked with a face-hugger, the first state of alien implantation. After the creature makes it’s dramatic appearance the aforementioned deaths of the crew begin until only Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) remains.

Having never been able to see Alien in the theaters on its original release (being that it was released four years before I was born) this was my first chance to see the film on the big screen, as opposed to DVD and rebroadcasts on FX. It was also everyone’s first chance to see some additional footage that director Ridley Scott re-spliced into the film to give it a more complete feel, and prepare everyone for the forthcoming Alien Box Set on DVD and Alien vs. Predator next year in theaters.

The charm of this film lies in the characterization of the people on board the Nostromo. Alien basically laid down the frame work for the cliché characters we see today in movies. The most interesting, besides the complete bad-ass-ness of Ripley, is Ash (Ian Holm) the ships android, or “artificial person” as Bishop likes to call them. The look of the android through the entire movie is just as menacing as the alien itself, and almost as scary because you know what he will do in the end.

For being produced in 1979 the film’s restoration keep the beauty of the sets intact with the dark, claustrophobic interiors of the Nostromo and dark reaches of space on the exterior. Surprising enough the special effects have held up quite well, for the most part. Obviously technology for special effects was fairly primitive compared to today but the alien looks just as good, if not better, than those in Alien: Resurrection, and aside from a very cheesing looking miniature running across the table after the chest-busting scene there is nothing that couldn’t be compared to Hollywood blockbusters of today where CGI has replaced quality stuntmen and women.

Seeing Alien in the theaters for the first time was a real treat for me, mainly because this was my chance to experience what my parents did at my age. Entering the theater, and seeing a packed house was also a joy as I now know that there are plenty of fans out there who respect such a great film, old or new. Every now and then you need a good blast form the past to show you have far movies have fallen from the hay-day when artistic talent was a prized possession. Alien withstood the test of time and could very well have introduced a new generation of science fiction fans to one of the holy grails of the genre.

If there ever was a review proof genre, the spoof would take number one prize for simply being what it is. As American’s we like to see things be dramatic and compelling, then we like to see some sick, funny guy come back through and do a, “What if,” with the script. Like, “What if Morpheus was a cow,” or “What if I make the aliens kick you in the nuts?” All of these questions, well at least some of them, can be answered in a well written, cleverly composed spoof, and it doesn’t matter what the critics think, the American people will wonder to these films like candy.

Enter Scary Movie 3, the third film in the horror/spoof franchise developed by the Wayans brothers. Scary Movie set new records for distributor Miramax (something Scary Movie 3 topped in its first weekend) and showed that the spoof comedy-sub-genre was still alive and kicking after being beaten to death during the 1980’s, in part by David Zucker, SC3‘s directory. After the Wayans decided not to pursue the third (and possible fourth) installments of the series, Miramax turned to comedy veteran Zucker (Airplane, The Naked Gun) and a cast of new and returning characters to ream such high profile movies as Signs and The Ring.

Scary Movie 3‘s choice to go after such films seems to be a better choice than the tongue-in-cheek Scream (Scary Movie 1) and the disappointingly lackluster House on Haunted Hill (Scary Movie 2). The story boils down to two seemingly incompatible storylines that begin to intertwine and shed the light on why aliens may be readying an attack on earth, and what key a mysterious tape holds.

Breaking away from the R-rating helped Scary Movie 3 more than it hurt it. The film is now much more accessible to the common teenager and it prevented then from going crazy with penises again (something the Wayans brothers had a particular fascination for). Don’t count out the gross out jokes though. The film still features its fair share of going over the top in both visuals and taste. There are more than a few scenes that should get a few people’s panties in a bunch, but it is all in good fun.

The ensemble cast includes Charlie Sheen, Anna Faris, Anthony Anderson, Simon Rex, and Leslie Nielson with cameos by Jenny McCarthy, Eddie Griffin, Queen Latifah, and Pamela Anderson. There are other cameos throughout but half the fun is finding them for yourself, especially a dead-on interpretation of what we all heard during a certain, confusing sequence of The Matrix Reloaded.

Like I said, this film is review proof simply from the fact that it throws so many jokes at the wall and gets you to laugh at the ones that stick, or at least appear to. There are times when gags fall immediately flat, but then you are treated to some true crown jewels that will stand out in comedy history for ever. Charlie Sheen stands out as a spoof of Mel Gibson’s character in Signs and literally steals the entire movie when he finds out his wife (Denise Richards) has been pinned to a tree by a car.

Regardless of my qualms and quips with the movie, you aren’t going to cinematic glory in it’s finest for, you are going to see the man responsible for some of the funniest spoofs ever craft the Scary Movie franchise into a new form and makes Scary Movie 3 the best film in the franchise to date. We can only hope Scary Movie 4 will become a reality, sooner than later.

The rate at which remakes are coming out is making me increasingly nervous about the lack of good, new ideas in Hollywood. The more disturbing trend it to remake movies that people in their late 40s early 50s would remember sneaking in to long ago. The amount of time before a movie is released is becoming shorter and shorter before it becomes grounds for the remake treatment, and while some rightfully deserve this retouching, others may just be a waste of energy and time. Luckily, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre falls into the previous category as the re-imagined tale of twisted murder is vividly brought to the screen with only a few problems.

One thing that stood out to me, having not seen the original in any form, or it’s sequels, was how much Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses “borrows” from this picture. Even in its remake form the storylines are eerily parallel almost to the point of a true rip-off. While I wasn’t impressed with Corpses, Massacre has a sort of freshness to it that holds it above past movies in the genre, almost as though you need to watch it as Leatherface and the twisted manner of the film has seeped deeply into pop culture.

The story starts off with five teenagers making a trek across Texas to see a concert (with front row tickets non-the-less). When they almost hit a girl walking in the middle of the street it starts them out on a journey through death, despair, and some of the most wretched, vile people this side of the Mississippi. When something terrible happens the group is thrown through hoop after hoop as they try to track down the town Sheriff. Through the passage of time they will meet an “interesting” cast of characters and learn about true fear.

The horror staples pioneered by Friday the 13^th and A Nightmare on Elm Street remain with the kids having sex, taking drugs, and drinking. This is all it takes in a horror movie to seal your fate. Keep track of who does what and you may be able to guess the ending, or not. The film itself establishes the story quite well and the full circle feel gives you a full feeling when its over whereas some movies leave you wanting more in the bad sense (meaning the movie felt incomplete) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre leaves you wanting more in the good sense (meaning the film was good).

There are some problems here and there that detracted from the atmosphere a bit. The biggest drawback is the film isn’t scary in any sense of the word, it is more suspenseful than anything, but even with the cheap jump-shocks you never actually feel any fear while watching. Secondly, the acting isn’t necessarily the high point on any of the films actors and actresses; it seems being able to act isn’t necessarily a prerequisite to actually being cast in a film. Also there are points when the believability of the film skews into the “I don’t freaking think so category,” mainly with a certain character taking on the long-known persona of a hockey masked killer.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a name everyone can ask anyone about and they will give you a vague inference of what it is about. For a movie released almost 30 years ago the story holds up quite well and the main killer shines as one of the greats in a sea of mediocre “monsters” that all have unique staples into killing, but lack the originality and simplicity that once had audiences swooning in their seats. This remake has been tagged by many as a waste of time and an effort to cash in on the license once again, but those who can see past the negative comments, and haven’t seen the original, may find a pleasant Halloween treat, and that isn’t a trick.

Since the first time I saw Pulp Fiction in DVD I knew that Quentin Tarantino was a god. The snappy, witty dialog, the extreme violence, and the interesting situations that many of the characters found themselves in all lent themselves into creating a totally original and enjoyable experience that should be enjoyed by all. Now after the $100 million dollar plus gross of Fiction and the underappreciated Jackie Brown, Tarantino brings us a tale of revenge in the form of Kill Bill: Volume 1.

I’ll say this right off the bat, Kill Bill should never have been split into two parts. No matter the reasons behind the split, this isn’t the kind of film you chop into two pieces to either a) make more money, b) get it out the door, or c) do it because you want to. Those familiar with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction will note that Tarantino doesn’t show the action of events in the order they happen. The movie jumps around from scene to scene which shows valuable insight into why things happened the way they did. Think Memento on a much more jumbled scale. Cutting Kill Bill into two parts doesn’t fit in with Tarantino’s scene by scene formula at all, and what you get are several characters introduced that appear on screen for no more than 3 minutes, and won’t be seen again until Volume 2.

Kill Bill tells the story of The Bride (Uma Thurman) who we find out is assassinated on her wedding day after leaving the ranks of assassins employed by a man named Bill. We are introduced to three of the four assassins and The Bride faces off against two of them in this installment, with two more and the final battle with Bill to come in Volume 2. The two main characters we meet in Volume 1 are O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Lui), the head of the Japanese underground and Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox) who is trying to settle into a new life with her daughter. Fox is only in the film for a short period of time, but her performance seems right on the mark for a former assassin trying to change her life. Lui’s Ishii is the feature of the film with an Anime origin scene and the subject of the main battle sequence in the film. For all of those who can forget Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, you may actually like Lui as a decapitating, Japanese gangster. Still the best performance is turned out by Thurman herself who continues to shine even after some questionable film decisions.

Everything you have heard about Kill Bill‘s ultra-violence is very, very true. The film has buckets and buckets of blood (more akin to a mid-budget slasher film) but the amount of press going towards this aspect is somewhat peculiar considering fountains streaming from ripped appendages approaches the campy side of violence instead of the life-life bloodshed seen in movies like Saving Private Ryan. Be warned, however, body parts fly all over the screen in this film, especially the climatic showdown between The Bride and at least 80 subordinates of Ishii. The scene transforms from color to black & white to cover up some of the fountains of blood and, presumably, give the film its R rating as opposed to NC-17. Stylistic or not, it appears as though the Japanese release will be in full color.

As with all Tarantino movies the film flows very smoothly, except for a few parts where the story meanders on seemingly meaningless points, but it doesn’t stay this way for long. Kill Bill is one of those movies where you forget you are wearing a watch because you never, ever check it. For your reference House of the Dead caused well over a dozen “watch-check-moments.”

The biggest drawback of the entire film is we aren’t seeing all of it. The reasons for the split may never be know, but what was released is a truly excellent film. Final judgment on whether or not Kill Bill is better than Pulp Fiction will take Volume 2 being released in February, but as it stands it seems as though all of Tarantino’s hard work has paid off as he has delivered cinematic glory.