David Spade will have a lot more time on his hands now that his sitcom, Just Shoot Me, has meet the wrath of the cancellation man. Still, Spade has a sharp tongue and a friend, Adam Sandler, who has ties all over the place with his Happy Madison production company

Dickie Roberts is a former child actor starring in a show called The Glimmer Gang and is best known for his infamous catch phrase, “This is nucking futs!”, but after his show is canceled he is left high and dry without his mother who left him. Now 30 years later Dickie hears about a role in a new Rob Reiner film from his poker buddies (composed of various former child stars). Dickie goes to meet Reiner, who says he would be perfect for the role, but having never experienced childhood he doesn’t believe Dickie has the emotional capacity (and baggage) to do well in the role. So Dickie gets the great idea of hiring a family and treating him like a kid for a month so he can get the research material he needs to land the role.

The family he moves in with is comprised of a neglectful husband, George, who wants to use Dickie to help promote his used car dealership, Grace, the mom who can’t stick up for herself. They also have two children who want nothing to do with Dickie. Things get interesting when Dickie’s girlfriend NAME (Alyssa Milano) comes back after being “kidnapped” hitchhiking in the beginning of the film to add a new foil to the normal life he has settled in to.

Dickie Roberts suffers from the same genre curse that most of Sandler’s movies had, they slowly wane in the jokes halfway through and then become focuses on the story elements from then on. The problem here is the story elements are never nearly enough to support the entire film, as they are paper thin to begin with. Although Jon Lovitz does kick up the humor a bit as Sidney, Dickie’s agent.

The story itself is by the book as well. Dickie moves in, faces opposition from the kids, who label him “stranger danger,” and ends up earning the respect of the kids and helping them out in their personal lives. Dickie also helps Grace stick up for herself against prudish, bible-thumping neighbors who you would just like to punch and kick to the curb, but they move out because of a “hare” raising incident with a rabbit. (Sorry)

As a comedy the film is lacking in the laughs, as described above, but as a fun little movie that tells a thin story that actually has you intrigued, and makes you laugh every couple of minutes, Dickie Roberts is a great little film. Spade is in no way up to par with his hilarious antics seen in Tommy Boy and Black Sheep, or on Saturday Night Live, but he does bring personality to the film and his sharp wit is unparalleled once he gets going. It won’t win any Oscars, but do you think they were trying to?

Sony is really starting to show some muscle as the big provider of popcorn-summer-movie-fun. First we get the laugh-a-minute Bad Boys II which games us new reasons to buy a Hummer, now we have S.W.A.T. a film ripped from reality, stripped of believability, and delivered to the audience with the action running constantly.

S.W.A.T., based off a little known TV show, which only ran for a paltry 18 months, features a young group of police officers taking on the task of joining the S.W.A.T. team for the first time and escorting an international terrorist to a federal penitentiary while legions of goons, inspired by a cool hundred million dollars, try to bust our friend Alex Montel (Oliver Martinez). The team is composed of tough girl Chris Sanchez (Michelle Rodriguez), tough guy Deke Kay (LL Cool J), tough guy number two Michael Boxer (Brian Van Holt), tough guy number three T.J. McCabe (Josh Charles), and shamed cop Jim Street (Colin Farrell). This rag-tag group is led by Sgt. Hondo Harrelson who is brought back to the precinct, to the dismay of the captain, to train these new recruits.

The first half of the movie, referred to as the montage, introduces us to Jim and partner Brian Gamble (Jeremy Renner) as they try to infiltrate a bank during a robbery attempt. Gamble chooses to gamble with a hostage’s life (excuse the pun) and solves the situation in an unorthodox method that gets him thrown off the force. Street is accused of turning on his partner and sent to work in the gun cage shinning boats and cleaning weapons. All in all the film features every bit from the “Disgraced Cop Gets His Man” cliché book employed by the writing staff, if there was one. From there we are introduced to the characters and given numerous shots of people working out. Maybe Sony is trying to tell us something?

The second half of the film is where the movie picks up with a cool hour of unadulterated action all focused on transporting Montel to federal prison and the trials and tribulations of accomplishing that task. On particularly cool scene, a general throwback to Executive Decision, has the team infiltrating a training plane in order to be allowed on the street. The tactics used employ a sense of guilty pleasure from the audience and cheers erupted when they succeeded. Just as the Michael Bay directed Bad Boys II before it, S.W.A.T. then relies on a highly improbable ending that has four members of the team attacking and armed group of bad guys in a small plane, while they attempt to lift off a bridge/runway. While I don’t go to movies to see highly realistic material, the thought of this made me laugh out loud, almost as much as the pre-movie ad telling me that piracy destroys the jobs of the little people.

S.W.A.T. is an okay film with lots of action, really loud special effects (the theater I witnessed it in had the audio system cranked to the max), and cool characters. Michelle Rodriguez is ripped directly out of Resident Evil, LL Cool J just uses his chef character from Deep Blue Sea and adds a gun, while Colin Farrell is a likable anti-hero and Samuel L. Jackson presents himself as a cool, calm, and collected individual when referring back to previous roles including personal favorite Pulp Fiction.

Mindless action is a new emerging genre that has been present for years. Sure they may try to shoe-in a story in the mix, but if they just gave a group of guys guns and had them parade around town in explicit action sequences I would still drop $6.50 every now and then to see lots of stuff blown up, until then a brain-dead romp from time to time can’t hurt too much, right?

Regardless of Johnny English‘s box office take in the United States the movie is already a certifiable hit overseas. The film broke $100 million dollars across the pond and now enters the US market to add a bit of padding to that number. The film stars Rowan “Mr. Bean” Atkinson as Johnny English a lower level agent in a top secret military organization called MI-7. MI-7 is similar to MI-6 in the James Bond series which English does a heavy job in spoofing.

Many may wonder if another spy spoof was need so long after the abysmal I Spy and the so-so Leslie Nelson flop Spy Hard, but where those movies failed to do nothing more than present visual jokes akin to the likes of Bond’s endeavors, Johnny English doesn’t just copy the stunts and action of the series it makes fun of, it has it’s own off-the-wall story to follow and presents some very funny moments.

The film starts out with, oddly enough, the entire staff of MI-7 being killed in an explosion at the funeral of Agent One, the best agent there ever was, and the man Johnny English strives to be. Since all of the other agents are killed in action, and then seemingly forgot about, English is promoted to find out who stole the Queen’s royal jewels and to get them back along with his much-more-intelligent sidekick Bough (Ben Miller). The character of English is based off of a television commercial spokesman, also played by Atkinson, and where you would think the transition would be hard for a commercial character to make it on the big screen, it seems to work perfectly. Along the way Johnny and Bough run into the stunning Lorna Campbell (singer turned actress Natalie Imbruglia) and the crazy Frenchman Pascal Sauvage (John Malkovich).

Johnny English‘s script was penned by the man responsible for the last two Bond movies, The World is Not Enough and Die Another Day, so the spy/action genre is nothing new to them. They present English with many opportunities to seal the deal on this case, and have him messing each one of them up, some more humorous than others. The problem with most of the jokes, and this has been noted by fellow critics abroad, is everything is staged so blatantly that you can figure out a joke minutes before it is suppose to happen. When it ultimately does, it is still funny, but doesn’t have the same laugh factor as if it was sprung upon you.

Atkinson does a great job as the bumbling English, who doesn’t quite get how to be a spy, but does deliver us some funny moments. Most you have already seen in the trailer but an inadvertent visit to a funeral, and his sports car suspended above London traffic both are rewarding scenes. The movie even jumps into some of the bodily fluid humor more akin to American Pie with a trip up a suspicious looking pipe and plenty of man-ass. Imbruglia as INTERPOL agent Campbell also does a great job in one of her first feature film acting roles. It doesn’t hurt her case in any way that she is impossibly beautiful. Malkovich’s Sauvage, who is trying to be crowned King of England, is a bit over dramatic but opens the door for a wealth of French jokes and the English driven movie makes good on each one of them.

Aside from the customary lame-brained script and jokes you can see a mile away; Johnny English provides the next best thing to Austin Powers in the spy spoof genre. While it seems we may not get another Austin Powers movie we can only hope that Working Title and Universal step up and turn Johnny English into a surprisingly funny franchise. The film won’t blow your socks off, but you couldn’t ask for a more fun 90 minute diversion on a hot summer day.

Not a lot can be said for sequels this summer. Getting thing started off with the above average X2 gave me hope, but everything after the disappointing Matrix Reloaded I have been wondering if it is really necessary to release 20+ sequel films during a four month period, the culmination of which holds American Wedding and the long anticipated Freddy vs. Jason. Still after the surprise hit of Pirates of the Caribbean two weeks ago I had new found faith in producer Jerry Bruckheimer. No more than 14 days later Bruckheimer’s biggest movie of the summer, a sequel, hits theaters but misses the mark.

Bad Boys II isn’t a bad movie in any sense and if I was expecting a laugh a minute comedy or a cerebral think-fest my head would have imploded several times over the course of the films somewhat bloated 2.5 hour running time. Bad Boys II is nothing more than huge explosions, awesome car chases, funny dialog, body parts flying, and slow motion head shots, and I like them all. Granted the plot is paper thin and the characters, aside from Martin Lawrence’s Marcus Burnett and Will Smith’s Mike Lowrey, are nothing more than 2D.

After September 11 the drug smugglers have found new ways of bringing illicit material into the United States on, or under, the water. Marcus and Mike have been assigned to the Tactical Narcotics Team (TNT) and begin gathering evidence against Johnny Tapia a brutal kingpin who has men hacked to pieces in his mother’s kitchen and runs drugs into the US using coffins and dead bodies as mules. Along with gathering this evidence Burnett and Lowrey participate in a high speed chase which cars crashing off of a semi, blast through a Cuban village in a Hummer, get in numerous gun fights, and kill more people than I can count. The story also opens up to envelop Marcus’ sister, Sydney (Gabrielle Union), who is later captured by Tapia and taken to Cuba. This is where the movie goes from iffy, but fun, to totally absurd. Granted we didn’t come to see an engrossing drama, but to think of a small group of men taking on a drug kingpin’s minions and the Cuban army makes your head hurt.

Other critics have called the movie a bit too excessive with the sheer amount of violence present. The ever popular slow motion head shot is a personal favorite, but just getting your skull blasted open enough, you then need to be disemboweled and disintegrated by mines. The movie doesn’t tip-toe around the effects of gunshots and bodies getting run over by cars and trains. The film is ten times more violent than it’s predecessor, which may turn a few people off.

The special effects and stunt work used in the film is top notch. The freeway chase towards the beginning of the film looks great, real cars or not, you won’t find a better chase sequence this side of Reloaded. Also of note is the Hummer barreling down a hill in Cuba where buildings are destroyed left and right and cleverly placed cameras give the whole chase a very cinematic feel. The cinematography in Bad Boys II is excellent with wide, panning shots, or the Bruckheimer norm, slow-motion tight shots of the main characters.

Smith and Lawrence play off each other’s characters very, very well. The movie provides a wealth of laughs at the expense of a certain white power group and a humorous trip to the boss’ house. I won’t spoil any of the jokes but the funny definitely doesn’t spare on the laughs, and then throws in a few more head shots for good measure.

Bad Boys II does try to be anything more than it is, which is good, but what it ends up being is a brain-cell killing event that gives us plenty of eye candy but very little substance to back it up. Then again the last time Michael Bay gave us substance I had to sit through Pearl Harbor. If you have two and a half hours to kill and don’t mind a bit of blood being spilled Bad Boys II offers a very cinematic, fun experience if you aren’t looking to be intrigued, only wowed.

I’ve never read the graphic novel on which The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is based and after viewing the film I wonder if I ever will for fear of my sanity. LXG is a mish-mash of action sequences, faulty, flimsy dialogue, and in sorry need of an actual script. In fact LXG feels as though bits and pieces of every movie to be released this year have been carved up and reanimated in some bastation that might be identified as a movie.

This, believe me, is hard for a critic to say on a film that he has been anxiously awaiting since the trailers first appeared. The film looked to have it all. A dark, gritty feel coupled with interesting character brought to life from the texts in which they were described, and Sean Connery, who we all know is one of the greatest actors to step foot on this planet. Ultimately not even Sir Connery can save this film from meeting the B-Movie Bargain Bin at Blockbuster. The biggest hope you could of had for this film is the pedigree of director Stephen Norrington who successfully took Blade from comic to film, but, alas, the same isn’t true here.

LXG takes place, mainly, in Europe, where a badass known only as The Phantom is plaguing the European nations, circa 1899, to instill war and sell off his highly advanced weaponry (WWII era) to the highest bidder. In order to do this he goes to opposing nations and blows stuff up speaking the language of an “enemy” country. Seemingly people in the 19 century don’t realize that there is more than one nation which speaks bad English. With imminent peril facing the world a group of the world’s greatest scientists/spy/immortal/etc. are assembled, including Dracula’s bride Mina Harker (Peta Wilson), immortal Dorian Gray (Stuart Townsend), explorer Captain Nemo (Naseeruddin Shah), the invisible man Rodney Skinner (Tony Curran), Dr. Jekyll (Jason Flemyng), US Secret Service agent Tom Sawyer (Shane West), and Allan Quatermain (Sean Connery) with the intent to destroy The Phantom and free those whom he has enslaved.

The problem with the film really begins and ends with the script which appears to have been written in the form of a 1st grader constructing a thesis on whale migration. As you can expect this isn’t a good thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actual screenplay to this film turned up in a museum for having the most loose ends and unexplained phenomenon in the world. You never actually learn where this advanced technology the Phantom has came from, he just busts down walls with a tank and runs over English Constables.

Characters appear, disappear, and change hairstyles with the blink of an eye. Of course, as with any movie focusing on an ensemble cast and special powers, there are certain problems that can be exploited by only one member of the team, but in the end these plot devices feel so contrived that you groan in disgust, mainly because you can see what’s coming.

The best acting in this mess is that of Shane West and his accurate portrayal of Tom Sawyer, now mysteriously a Secret Service agent, but when you call a teen movie character actor the best in any film you’re dwelling at the bottom of the barrel. Granted we do get some witty quips between certain characters, and the true identity of The Phantom is rather cool, if you read books, that is, but it still doesn’t relieve the sour taste in your mouth.

The film does have some redeeming factors. The action scenes, while hardly making sense, are cool to watch, and show that Sean Connery can still kick some ass, but this isn’t enough to bring the movie out of mediocrity.

In the end the betrayal by one member of the league is hardly a surprise, and how the movie will progress and end is nothing that you haven’t seen played out in countless other action films. Tack on the Hollywood ending and obvious door for a sequel and that’s all she wrote. Fox originally wanted this film to start a franchise, and I can still see that happening, but if they do decide to produce another keep in mind that for anything to succeed a script is the most important key, and a story not taken from 20 years of action films might help the cause.

LXG does a few things right, but what it does wrong knocks the film from extraordinary to just plain ordinary.

Forget any misguided preconceptions about this movie based on the fact it came from a ride of the same name at the Disneyland Resort. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, aside from having a really long name, stands out as one of the best movies of the summer and showcases some of the best acting performances all year.

You wouldn’t think that a live action Disney movie would be anything more than slapstick comedy intertwined with lame dialog, horrible special effects, and bottom of the barrel storytelling. Pirates is different. This isn’t the crap-fest that The Mighty Ducks turned into, The Curse of the Black Pearl is Disney’s first PG-13 movie released under the Walt Disney Pictures banner (others have been handed off to Touchstone or Hollywood Pictures) and where you would expect a subpar script you get an incredibly fun movie brought further to live with some incredible characters.

The Curse of the Black Pearl starts off with Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) and her father Governor Swann (Jonathan Pryce) sailing for Port Royale. On the way they find a small boy by the name of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) floating on a board with a gold medallion around his neck. When the wreckage of his boat is seen burning on the water, Elizabeth takes Will’s medal, fearing the crew will take him for a pirate. Of course it only adds to the story that Elizabeth takes a liking to Will, but they are from different castes and, of course, it is never meant to be. Flash forward eight years when pirates come ashore and begin to plunder Port Royale looking for the last piece of the cursed Aztec gold. Since Elizabeth has this final piece they kidnap her Turner enlists the services of the legendary Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), imprisoned for a daring attempt to steal a British boat, to find an island that cannot be found and rescue the women he cares for.

Pirates script goes from cliché to inspired throughout the movie. The old world classic storyline of a simple craftsman in love with a Governor’s daughter who has been proposed to by a young member of the Royal Navy stonewalls it’s way into the script. Of course this isn’t allowed because of the nature of the class system, and the fact that everyone wears funny wigs. There is also “treasure” hidden on an “island” that makes you wonder, “Where have I seen this before?” To the screenwriter’s credit the film does offer up some genuinely funny moments, most coming at the hands of Johnny Depp.

This is a Depp movie and it shows in the amazing characterization that he gives Sparrow. From the tiny twitches to the wobbling, drunken walk, Sparrow comes to life onscreen via Depp. While his performance in Edward Scissorhands may rival this one, he is clearly on mark with his better work as seen in Sleepy Hollow. The supporting cast also deserves credit for creating memorable characters in the shadow of the top-billed star. Notable among these is Geoffrey Rush’s Captain Barbossa, the mutinous first mate of Sparrow who took over his ship and left him to die on an island, twice.

Of course the real star of the film is the special effects work by Industrial Light and Magic who do an amazing job bringing the tattered rags and bones of the cursed pirates to life. From the life-like interaction with real actors to the money making scene underwater the CGI pirates leave your mouth hanging open. Like all CG it isn’t perfect, and there are times when it looks as though the computer generated antagonists are a bit too cartoony.

Director Gore Verbinski at times leaves us guessing just what direction he wanted this film to take. One one side it is based on a Disneyland ride enjoyed by all, and on the other it is a pirate movie, and pirates are not known for having you over to enjoy tea and crumpets on Sunday afternoons. It is evident that you are seeing two very different pictures inter-woven into one film. You have the comedy and one-liners on one side, the other houses a few throat slashes and sword thrusts worthy of a Jerry Bruckheimer film.

None of this severely detracts from the film because over the course of a somewhat bloated 143 minutes you have a good time, and isn’t that what movies are suppose to do? Superb performances by Depp, Rush, and Bloom make up for the nearsighted plot that doesn’t stray too far from the beaten path. Pirates of the Caribbean may be the most fun you have in a theater this year, and the nods to the ride only add to a great time.

The theater I went to see Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines in wasn’t too crowded, which was a plus. I really didn’t want a bunch of little kids screwing up the experience like the Hulk. As the credits rolled, and the all too familiar Terminator theme began to play, and I had no idea what to expect.

More than 10 years have passed since the previous Terminator hit the box office, and almost 20 years have passed since we first caught glimpse of the metal menace. This Terminator comes into the spotlight in a very different generation. Many of us who were so psyched never actually got to see the original Terminator in the theaters, and we had to sneak into the theaters thanks to older brothers or friends for the second one. As I went into the theater to sit down, I noticed that a great number of smaller children were sitting talking about the legacy of the Terminator with their parents. I guess this trilogy holds something for everyone.

In this third helping of flesh and metal, we find ourselves in the present time. After sending Arnold back the second time to destroy the T-1000 and avert John Connor’s death, it seems that August 29th, 1997 was just another day in time. There was no nuclear war, the lab containing SkyNet was destroyed, and John (Nick Stahl) lived to tell about it. However, John has now had to break contact with most of the world, becoming a drifter, still fearing the nightmares of Judgment Day. The opening scenes are very reminiscent of the previous two terminators. A big bubble, a lot of lightning, and a naked machine emerges into an unsuspecting public. However, instead of seeing a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger or Robert Patrick, we get the eye candy that is Kristanna Loken. After making her first kill, nabbing a Lexus and using only a cell phone and her voice to access the LA Unified School District database, she sets out on her mission. Our metallic hero has a bit more comedic entrance, as he attempts to find suitable clothing in a bar which is featuring a ladies night complete with male strippers. As the two cyborgs begin their missions, an injured John finds himself at an animal hospital where he is cornered and caged by Kate Brewster (Claire Danes). Miraculously, both terminators end up at the hospital at the same time, where it turns out they are both after John and Kate. Of course, that is the cue to run. Arnold grabs both of them and drives off, trying to outrun the new female T-X.

I admit, I really wasn’t looking for much out of this movie. For me, it had a lot riding against it. It’s hard to make 3 really good action packed movies with a decent story. It’s also hard to wait 10 years in between movies; public interests can change, making it hard to continue a story that had originated so many years before. And with out the direction of James Cameron and the acting talents of Linda Hamilton or Edward Furlong, the movie wouldn’t feel the same. However, many of these fears were squelched in the nearly 2 hours running time of the movie. Nick Stahl made a decent John Connor. I do wish Ed Furlong would have played him again, I kind of miss the whiny John over the dark John. Claire Danes was a good female counterpart, being the whole first-whiny-then-sort-of-badass type of character. She’s got a good set of screaming lungs too, and she proves many times throughout the movie. Kristanna Loken was definitely an eye pleasing terminator, I wouldn’t have minded getting blasted by her plasma cannon. Her facial expressions, or lack thereof, made her all the better character. Whether she was pounding Arnold into walls, or getting crushed by helicopters, or walking down the street naked, the blank effortless look on her face really helped her character. For some reason I was disappointed on how scary of a terminator she was. Robert Patrick’s T-1000 still scares the bejeebus out of me with that look of his, however the Terminatrix just wasn’t as scary. I suppose that was because I am older and that sort of thing isn’t as scary, or maybe it was because I was rarely starting at her face.

The element that absolutely made this movie for me was the visual effects. Never before in these movies was the superhuman strength of the terminators so well portrayed. In the first and second Terminators, Arnold’s strength was portrayed with throwing people through windows and taking bullets in the back. In this one, it’s shown by him being dragged through an entire building while hanging onto a speeding crane truck. It’s shown by him and the TX picking each other up, and violently throwing each other through walls, into toilets, and other breakable objects. The fight scenes between the two terminators were the best I’ve seen, and director Jonathan Mostow’s use of computer graphics was wonderfully executed, and did not interfere with the movie’s realness.

As in many movies, there were a few dislikes I had. The vast majority of them circle around that the movie was too short. Since when was a Terminator movie going to fall short of two hours? I would have gladly have sat in that theater another 40 minutes to get more character development and more action, but I guess I’ll have to wait for the T3 Super Secret Special Edition release of the DVD to get that. A few plot holes got in the way a bit, but nothing major.

All in all, it was probably the best movie of the summer yet. This summer has been somewhat of a letdown with less the than stellar Matrix and Hulk movies. Here, almost halfway through the summer blockbuster season, we come to our first big hitter. While it does have its flaws, as many movies do, it definitely was just about the best movie I’ve gone out to see this summer, although I haven’t seen 28 Days Later yet…