While the premiere of Patrick Swayze’s newest TV endeavor is likely to be overshadowed by his health woes of late, behind the news reports and interviews is an average cop drama with lots of room to grow, but a penchant for taking bits and pieces of successful films and TV shows and incorporating them into a half-full melting pot.

The Beast see Swayze as Charles Barker an off-the-map FBI agent who goes undercover to bring down the big-bads with a rookie, hand-picked partner in Ellis Dove (Travis Fimmel). Sound familiar? It’s basically the premise of Training Day with a few things changed, but the producers didn’t really go the extra mile to eliminate some of the comparisons that would undeniably be brought up. Similarities include: Dove being by the book, much like Ethan Hawk’s character in relation to the off-the-rails mentor, the protégé being forced to “prove” himself, ordered to do odd jobs for the quiet, sneaky mentor, etc.

The plot doesn’t really help the series evolve either, there’s the B-storylines about Barker protecting a women and her family (we later come to find this is his sister), Dove attempting a relationship with his neighbor, a shadowy figure at the FBI who helps them, Barker somehow, someway managing to get what he needs, when he needs it, and the possibility that he’s dirty and Dove is recruited to spy on him. Essences of other staples like The Shield, House, and the aforementioned Training Day just leave The Beast as something old and worn at times. All this culminates with a big reveal at the end that one of the most closely guarded secrets in the US government (a disk drive containing every undercover agent in the world) is sitting behind an unguarded rent-a-fence in FBI headquarters where one old, fat, balding guy is protecting it. When you see its gone at the end of the episode so is your suspension of disbelief.

It seems as though the series creators cobbled together everything they loved about difficult-to-work-with-human-dramas, adding in some cops and robbers gave everyone a super tough life and asked us to watch. The audience is just thrown in to the deep end in the beginning though, no introduction, and we’re forced to care for characters who have no life beyond the caricatures they represent from years upon years of exposition on the small and silver screen.

In the end it doesn’t really matter that Swayze does an admirable job as the clearly intelligent, but disturbed Barker, if you can’t get past the ludicrously lazy writing there isn’t much to enjoy in anyone’s performance. The Beast could evolve into something much more, but based on the pilot, you’ve seen all this done before.

There has been some trepidation on how Damages‘ creators Todd A. Kessler, Glenn Kessler, Daniel Zelman were going to continue the multi-layered storyline of the first season of the show. Fans will know that we’re introduced to the series very near the end before being warped back in time and shown how we reached the point where a bloodied and distraught Ellen Parsons (Rose Byrne) would be running down a New York City street. While the season premiere offers up the future again, it isn’t the opening teaser that sets this episode in motion, it’s the final seconds that draw the audience right back in to the show’s comforting grasp.

Fresh off the destructive Arthur Frobisher (Ted Danson) case, a haunted Patty Hewes (Emmy winner Glenn Close) is confronted by her associates into taking a new case. Ellen relays a set-up case provided by her new FBI friends as she strives to take down the women who tried to kill her, but Patty has been contacted by Daniel Purcell (William Hurt). The full scope of the help that Purcell needs isn’t immediately evident aside from a big corporation and chemical work that could be very harmful. Patty initially rebuffs Daniel, who we find out had a previous relationship of some sort, but in the closing moments of the premiere the tables turn dramatically.

Byrnes portrayal of a broken, revenge-driven Ellen is the highlight of the episode and her shut out from an Emmy nod last year is near criminal. While her story isn’t as integral to the “A” storyline, at least at this time, her vivid daydreams about shotgun blasting a-still-alive Frobisher add an element to her character full realized in the aforementioned closing seconds.

Three great things continue over from the first to the second season of the series. The A-list cast is a big part of just how great this series is, with award winners, cult favorites, and solid acting stripes abound, the series continues to compile the best cast on TV with additions like Timothy Olyphant (Deadwood), Marcia Gay Harden, and Hurt. The second and third go hand in hand, the astounding writing for the series is what made it so attractive to these actors and actresses and the premiere already begins the twisty-turny spiral we’ve come to expect. Lastly, its an intelligent series that keeps the watcher engaged, everything in the series has a purpose, and as we saw last season, everyone is connected, everyone is manipulating someone else, everyone is dirty in some way, but who comes out on top is a matter of great discussion once we’re able to see how everything shakes out.

For those worried about the second season of the series, don’t, everything that made Damages one of the best drama series on TV is still intact and just as good as ever. Will the writers be able to sustain the series again for 13 episodes and include as many twists as last year? That’s still to be determined, but if the initial batch of episodes is any indication its going to be a great ride.

Returning for a third season on History is Cities of the Underworld hosted by Don Wildman as there continues to be an abundance of deep, dark holes filled with secrets about civilizations’ past. The season premiere sees Don dive into the City of Blood aka London and seek out the demonic past of the city itself and the surrounding area.

The first thing you notice about the London is the massive amounts of devilish orgies taking place in the past, it seems everything and every secret society revolved around sexual exploits with multiple partners at once, leading to what many believe was devil worship and the construction of gateways to the underworld. When showing these gateways the program continues its use of computer-aided cross sections and 3D graphics.

In the typical fashion of the genre Wildman torridly runs around the city and countryside from location to location speaking with local experts and getting some hands on experience with the subject in focus. The most interesting, and shortened, section of the program is a look at the popular serial killers Sweeny Todd and Jack the Ripper, even going into the dank spaces of London’s putrid sewer system to offer theories on how Jack might have gotten around undetected from crime scene to crime scene.

While the subject matter is new, for the most part, the format is familiar to anyone who has seen an “on-the-job” show such as Dirty Jobs. What is really annoying is the constant use of the same sound effect and light bloom when transitioning between graphic cutaways and coming back to Don. The bloom and the “ting” sound repeat nearly 40-50 wipes throughout the entire 45 minute episode wears on your last nerve pretty fast. If you’re able to turn out this sound, the episode, and series, offers plenty of interesting information with upcoming episodes focused on Okinawa, Sicily, and Sin City itself, Las Vegas.

The transition from mini-series to regular show seems to be an easy one for The Starter Wife, however when your source material is based on a book, the real challenge is bring that series to life while still appeasing fans of the original works, and keeping the characters true to themselves and the audience.

The premiere episode of the series, “The Forty-Year-Old Virgin Queen” starts off curiously enough with Debra Messing in her best Elizabeth get-up proclaiming she has sworn off men, this curious flash, and another later in the episode showcasing the Creature’s creation in Frankenstein seemed horribly out of place in the dramedy. However, besides these scripting decision, The Starter Wife settles in nicely with its established characters, but for newcomers there isn’t a whole lot of character recapping besides Molly Kagan (Messing).

One of the biggest standouts, for better or worse, is the recasting of Kenny Kagan previously played by Peter Jacobson who is now in a fellowship on House. The producers chose to cast David Alan Basche in the role, which would make sense, except everything physically about this Kenny and the former-Kenny are completely different. Jacobson fit into the roll much better, everything about him and the way the character was played screamed Hollywood exec, however Basche, in no part his fault, just seems miss-cast when you look at the way the character was portrayed in the mini-series.

The series continues it’s lampooning of the Hollywood elite upper class and the art of making movies and surviving in such a world as $5000 boots are nothing. Messing brings Molly to life as a woman shunned from her previous life and looking for something new and independent, a way to make a name for herself and not just as an ex-wife of a Hollywood big timer. She brings the right balance of comedy and drama to the role, where appropriate, which is helped by a script that produces a few laugh-out-loud moments, but overall keeps things more sly than coming right out and forcing an applause light to blink.

The episode sets in motion a few different sub-plots and B-story lines for the secondary characters, the most notable is Chris Diamantopoulos’ Rodney who is hired as an interior designer for a big star and immediately begins crushing on him. Sure he’s the token gay guy in the ensemble, but he steals most of the scenes he’s in.

Newcomers to the show are suggested to pick up the mini-series on DVD and give it a go before diving into the series as to not be too lost on whom these characters are and why we find them where we do. Fans of the mini-series are sure to latch right back on where they left off, and it isn’t a terrible thing to do.

FX’s run with un-PC comedies has weathered the cable storm of the years with successes like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and failed opportunities like Starved, now FX is bringing former South Park writer Kenny Hotz’s Testees to the small screen as a companion to Philadelphia, and while the series does induce a few laughs in its debut, the show still has a lot to live up to.

Testees is, at times during the pilot episode, a live action version of South Park, the characters are inherently dim-witted but likable, and the social norm-bashing is certainly in place, however Peter (Steve Markle) and Ron (Jeff Kassel) are no Stan and Kyle, they fall into place with what ever comes their way rather than point out the irrational behavior of everyone else a la the aforementioned animated duo.

Peter and Ron are introduced to the audience sifting through the couch in their rundown apartment looking for rent money, while a suggesting is made to just “buy more couches” in search of money, the pair return to their jobs at Testico testing out products with Peter usually receiving the product and Ron lucky enough to be rewarded with a placebo. Upon their return they’re entered into a clinical trial which, after a few days of gestation, appears to make Peter pregnant. The two prepare for their child as you’ve probably seen on nearly every sitcom known to man, however it doesn’t take a Hollywood writer to see where this is ultimately going. And that’s the problem with Testees, its almost too obvious at times what is going to happen, sometimes running the jokes completely.

There are a few jokes that sneak up on you, such as Peter attempting to abort his unplanned pregnancy with a coat hanger up his rear end, and as offensive as you think it might be, you have to realize that these guys aren’t the brightest bulbs in the chandelier.

A B-story with fellow product tester Larry (Kenny Hotz) and his amazing “cockzilla” penis enlarging spray is a worthy distraction from the main storyline, but, again, smart watchers will see the punch lines (such as Larry passing out when engorged due to massing blood loss to his entire body) coming and while you’ll cringe at the bits you should cringe at, you won’t necessarily laugh at everything thrown against the wall.

While its obvious the show needs more time to establish the characters and show us if it will turn into a “product of the week” device facilitating all the jokes, there is promise in this show and for those interested, give it a few weeks before removing that season pass.

The Shield‘s Kurt Sutter branches out on his own with Sons of Anarchy a show thematically between the grit of the aforementioned cop series and the dark humor of FX’s own Rescue Me dramedy. The pilot episode, creatively named “Pilot” introduces us to the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club lead by Clay Marrow and featuring an eclectic mix of do-gooders and criminals all with noble intentions but less than noble, or lawful, ways of attaining those goals.

The story focuses primarily on Jackson Teller (Undeclared‘s Charlie Hunnam) the VP of the MC with a newborn baby and the stickling feeling that the gang has fallen away from its real intentions since his father’s, the former president, death. Jackson initially has to deal with his premature infant son and the thought that he might not survive his untimely birth from a drugged out mother (guest star Drea de Matteo).

The Sons of Anarchy operate out of fictional Charming, CA, a small town they use to work day jobs, protect the local businesses from meth-heads and Mexican gangs, oh, and run guns, lots and lots of guns for gangs in the Bay Area. The pilot establishes the less than cozy relationship between the Sons and the Mayans and brings a third player into the mix by the end of the episode.

The brutality of the violence is often overshadowed by impeccable comedic timing such as how a character achieved the nickname “Half-Sack” (it IS what you think) or the steps to taxidermy a deer’s head. While these moments are few in the pilot the nature of the characters and their relationships play well off of each other, the friendly taunting you see in close circles is very evident here.

The two big names on the roster are Hellboy‘s Ron Perlman, for once not disguised in make-up, and Married With Children and Futurama‘s Katey Sagal who lights up the screen in the rare opportunity to show her drama chops (aside from a few guest spots on Lost). Sagal manages to handle her character (Jackson’s mother) in such a cold, domineering fashion that there is more going on behind the scenes than she lets on. In the episodes pinnacle moment between Jackson’s ex-wife and herself, Sagal becomes almost frightening. Perlman, on the other hand, is his usual charismatic self, commanding the screen in every moment of the episode he appears in as a calculating leader and tough guy.

Sons of Anarchy continues FX’s tradition of breaking the mold of traditional dramas with out-side-the-box characters in situations you don’t usually see on TV. The strength of the pilot alone brings along a host of characters and branching storylines to cover over the first season, and while the impending war between the Mayans and the meth-heads is all but a given, we’ll have to see how the season’s other episodes flesh out the characters and the story as we go along.

To anyone who viewed Jurassic Park III and witnessed the battle between the once-formidable Tyrannosaurus and the newly introduced Spinosaurus and thought, “There should really be a show about just dinosaurs fighting,” History has your answer in Jurassic Fight Club. While this Fight Club is soap and Tyler Durden-less, it does feature the most primal battles outside a video game.

The standard 42 minute program takes careful steps to setup the ensuing battle, and in the premiere episode a team of researchers on Madagascar discover the bones of a male Majungasaurus seemingly attacked and eaten by a female of the species. This leads researchers to extrapolate how this carnivore would have turned to cannibalism as the information is presented via CGI models in a life-action landscape. Future episodes will delve deep into the ocean, and then return to land with the final episode of the series focusing on the extinction of the dinosaurs.

The fight itself is contained within the last 10 minutes of the program with the other 30 being divided up between the discovery of the bones and a CSI-like research extravaganza to identify the killer and piece together the story. The first 20 minutes roll along great, with lots of background information on the dinosaur itself, but the steam runs out after that. The second act of the program is basically a summary of everything we’ve heard before, including numerous mentions of the same facts after every commercial break. You grow tired of hearing “65 million years ago…” from the narrator each time you return.

It doesn’t help as well that the same CGI clips are shown nearly all the time, including a trick to mirror the image to make it look like a new clip (especially when showing a Majungasaurus baby behind a tree). This is a shame because the production values are otherwise very high throughout the program, and the repeated clips themselves, while not Stan Winston/Jurassic Park awesome, do a serviceable job for the budget allowed.

With the amount of recapping available, you’re able to leave the room and return without missing much information, and you’ll quickly be back on track for the battle at the end. While the fight itself is narrated from pure speculation extrapolated from behaviors of current animals and dinosaur theory, it still provides an entertaining closing to the program and pulls no punches.